My Advice For That Yearly Visit

Don't have that cup of coffee you are craving on the way to the gynecologists office for your yearly exam. That's my advice.

Why, you ask? Because you will pee as soon as you get there. And you'll think you are just fine. Then when the nurse takes you back, she will ask you if you need to use the restroom, to which you will reply that you've already taken care of business, quite pleased with yourself. And then she will leave you with the skimpy gown and paper lap cover-thing. And you will sit down on the table to wait, only to suddenly realize that the coffee has just reassembled itself squarely in your bladder.

If you are like me, you will first try to convince yourself that it will be okay and you can just hold it. That you only have to go "a little".

Then, if you are like me, you will start to get worried. You'll push a little on your abdomen to see if it will bother you at all when the doctor does it. And when you push, you will almost pee right then and there. You'll start sweating as you consider whether you can get across the hall to the bathroom wearing only the gown, or whether you need to get dressed.

Eventually, you will grab your jeans and pull them on under your oh-so-stylish-open-in-the-back gown, hold that gown tight around you and sprint across the hall to that bathroom. You will pee and pee and pee, all the while praying that the doctor didn't just walk in the room while you were gone, wondering if you had chickened out and fled the scene. And also you'll wonder if the human bladder can actually hold a full gallon of pee, because it feels as if you will never stop.

Of course, you will make it back to the room, your absence undiscovered, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

So, if you are like me, that is exactly why you shouldn't hit Starbuck's on the way to the gynecologist's office.

***Ally