How To Identify PMS

There's a little twist to that title. The combination of entering that "peri-menopausal" stage and finding a supplement that helps IMMENSELY with my PMS symptoms , the worst symptoms I have are when I ovulate. Same symptoms, just a little earlier.

(The supplement is Vitex - Chasteberry Extract - I love it so much I would marry it if I didn't already have a husband)

The predominate symptom is what I call The Crazies. It's that 36 hour period where I pretty much want to rip the face off anyone who crosses me wrong. What? Does that sound too harsh? And here I was toning it down for you.

It really is an out of body experience, where my sane self watches my insane self think and act like a maniac. My sane self says, "Whoa, chill out, girl!" While my insane self says... well, I shouldn't actually say that out loud - or write it on a blog. You get the idea.

So here are the signs that I know ovulation is happening:

* Not one person I get behind on the freeway will go the speed limit. In fact, not on any road I travel on. No, they aren't speeding, they are all going UNDER the limit. Something I will never understand, even when I don't have The Crazies. I actually flashed a 5 - 0 at someone going 35 in a 50 with my hand. You know, five fingers, then a circle with my fingers. I was trying to tell her the speed limit was 50. I think she thought I was flashing her gang signs. At the stoplight she wouldn't pull up next to my car when I got in the lane beside her. I decided I should keep my hands down after that. 

* Semis on the freeway are traveling four abreast, while I have thoughts of shooting their tires out. And I don't even own a gun.

* People are standing three abreast in the aisles of the store. And I'm running errands and have three stores to go to. I think about taking a running start and mowing them down with my cart like bowling pins. Especially the dude who appears to be just 'supervising' his wife's product selections.

* Small children will be sitting on the bottom of shopping carts, using them as push toys and ramming into me, while the parents are obliviously perusing Red Box for the nightly movie. I will have thoughts of taking the kids for the ride of their lives on that cart to see if the parents notice.

* My grossest patient will be at his grossest self on THAT day. He will smell, be greasy, will have just smoked a cigarette, will have on filthy socks and will use our bathroom air freshener to spray his feet with, leaving me to not only want to disinfect my treatment room when he leaves, but I'll also want to take a disinfecting shower for myself. I will dream of asking him to leave and come back when he has showered. (He actually commented on how greasy he was - blamed it on eating oatmeal. WTH?) I couldn't possibly make this stuff up. This really happened.

* The one patient whose insurance actually pays my fees in full, will no-show me. Twice. In one week. I don't make money when a patient or client doesn't show. Why can't they see that?

* I will score workout pants, yoga shorts, and two cute tops at TJMaxx for a great price and still not feel better. Really? When retail therapy doesn't work, you KNOW there's an underlying cause.

* I will go home and have beer and chips at 3:30 in the afternoon. By myself. Don't judge.

 albequerquealthernativehealth.com

 mylot.com

 psychologytoday.com

 sweetexpressions.com

Thank goodness The Crazies is a very temporary state. Hubs realizes what is happening and is normally quite patient with me. We often laugh about it. After all, humor is the best medicine.

***Ally
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