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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Wordless Wednesday


Required Road Trip Fuel

The one on the left? Fresh Northwest raspberry shake.
Chunks of real, fresh raspberries.
Oh my.


***Ally

P.S. - Good thing it's Wordless Wednesday. We don't have to discuss the calorie count of said milkshakes, which they happily print on the receipt. Ahem.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Didn't Mean To Paint The Walls

Well I did intend to do it eventually.

I just didn't intend to do it yesterday. But that's what I did.

The Boy is "re-doing" his bedroom. And I am practicing a whole lot of "letting go of control" by turning over two cans of paint, brushes, rollers and... did I mention control?... to two teenagers. Because, of course, the girlfriend is helping.

To make a longer story shorter, I had purchased some dark, rusty red (don't judge, just trust me) paint for our stairway. I knew there would be plenty leftover, and I knew it would work well for a primer to my son's dark red paint that will cover one small wall in his room. (To match the drum set, of course).

And since he was itching to get his room painted, I needed to paint the stair walls, too. So that's what I did. And then I gave them their supplies, showed them how to do the cutting in, and tried not to look. Or direct. Or step in. Or control.

Admission: I haven't gone in there to look. When Hubs said he maybe got a little too much paint on the ceiling, I tried not to hyperventilate. But I didn't look.

I figure it will be better to look once the walls are painted, since they've only done the cutting in so far. Today they'll roll out the walls.

In case you haven't figured it out, I kind of have a control problem when it comes to painting and 80% of everything else in life. I'm the only one who has EVER done the cutting in in this house, and most of the painting - I have once or twice handed Hubs a roller and let him fill in, after all. And every room has been painted at least once, some more than once.

But I figured I had to let him learn the craft and express his own creativity. Right? RIGHT?

I just keep chanting: It's only paint. It's only paint. It's only paint.

Wish me luck today. I may have a margarita for lunch.

***Ally

Monday, August 29, 2011

10 Places I Love


Link up with Stasha at The good life for Monday Listicles. It's a different topic every week - follow along or create your own!

This was a topic I couldn't pass up! 10 places I love:

1) Maui, Hawaii. What's not to love? Hubs and I lived there when we met, and we've been back as much as our bank account can reasonably afford. And yes, we'd move back in a heartbeat. We'd love to own a condo there and maybe retire (at least part time) there.



2) Lake Tahoe. Seriously beautiful, winter or summer.


3) Southern California. Notice the picture is of Lela and I (excuse the windblown look), not a view or scenery. Because part of the charm of Southern California (Huntington Beach in particular) is that my best friend lives there. And no matter where we go there, we have fun, we relax and we take in all there is to see. We've been where she lives - Huntington Beach, as well as Palm Springs, Laguna Beach, Santa Barbara, San Diego, La Jolla - doesn't matter. Love it all the same when I'm with great company.

4) Seattle, WA. While I will continue to tell you I can't stand the weather here 10 1/2 months a year, and that I don't want to live here the rest of my life, I DO still love it. Even if I move away, I will continue to come back and visit and appreciate all there is to offer in this amazing city.


5) England. I've been once three years ago, and fell in love. The architecture, the history. So amazing. There was no way to pick pictures to post here, so I just grabbed the first few I saw in my picture library. We were fortunate to see different parts of the country in a very short (and cold) time period. And I can't wait to go back to take in more and go to Scotland, too. (We saw Blackpool, Cannock, Litchfield, York and London!)




6) Anywhere family is. My family is spread out. Be it Austin, TX; Bay area in CA; San Diego, CA; Reno, NV; Phoenix, AZ; down the street; or any other places - it's hard not to love visiting where family is.

7) My bed. Nothing will make you love your bed more than going out of town. Coming back and crawling into your own bed - heavenly.

8) Arizona. I know, some of you will shake your heads and think I'm nuts. But I love it there. The desert is beautiful in my eyes. Phoenix, Sonoma, Grand Canyon and parts in between - love them all.

9) Eastern Washington. All the lushness, the green, the water views, and the mountains that Western Washington has to offer, Eastern Washington is opposite. Dry, desert-like in places, with amazing views and changing landscape. Wheat fields as far as the eye can see. The Columbia River. Cliffs and canyons. This is where I spent my summers as a kid at horse camp - and a huge part of my heart belongs there.

10) Home. Oh sure, there's a ton I want to change, including some neighbors, but when you can feel like your true "self" in your home - how can you not love it? I'm surrounded by my husband of almost 19 years, my son of almost 17 years, a dog who adores me, and the things I love. (As well as some things I don't love - but you have to keep life interesting!)

***Ally

Friday, August 26, 2011

Rollin' On The River


Me, the Teenager, the Husband, River Guide Katie
This is my happy family on the Kern River, just starting our day of river rafting with our friendly guide.  Notice that there are only a total of 4 people in our boat.  The other boat had 7 people.  We had to row waaaay harder than the other boat.  Notice our smiles and dry clothes.  Also notice the glassy, smooth water.


Guess what I was saying?
 Things change quickly on the river.  This is our first rapid.  I think it was a class IV. 



I remember our guide screaming, "Get DOWN!"  That means you are supposed to hop your butt into the bottom of the boat, instead of perching on the outside.  Notice my son and I following directions.  Notice my husband isn't.  Did I mention the water is cold? 

As you can see, we are really having fun now. 

My son and I are hanging on for dear life, desperately gulping for air as we are being douched by river water.  My studly husband has managed to remain sitting up and continued to row.  For that we are all grateful.
We made it!
Eventually our guide screamed, "Back on the job!" which means "Get back up on the edge of the boat and row for your life."  We did.

My mom saw these pictures and said, "That is NOT a vacation."  I assured her that it was safe and fun.

We had a blast.  They don't call it a River Adventure for nothin'.

-Lela

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Water, Water Everywhere

The last day of our trip, we went to the water park. Me, Hubs, The Boy, Good SIL (not to be confused with previously mentioned Evil SIL - this one is my brother’s wife and she’s a doll) and one of SIL’s boys. It was hot and sunny and an all around beautiful day.

The boys immediately took off for the slides. SIL was meeting us, as she had to taxi the other son to football practice. Hubs and I sat for a few minutes before the 94 degrees called for cooling off. We grabbed tubes and headed up the stairs to a slide. At the top you had a choice - two tubes that you blindly ride down on your ass, or the bigger slide that you use a tube. The latter was obviously my choice for several important reasons. 1) I am blind in the sun without sunglasses. This ride allows you to keep them on. 2) No full submersions at the end, preventing the recycled filth water from filling your nasal and oral cavities. 3) This one is important - you ride in a tube. Which means no inadvertent enemas should your carefully crossed ankles be ripped apart by the sheer force of the twists and turns of the blind tubes dumping you ass-first into the churning basin at the bottom. Not that it's not fun, for sure.

photo credit: Wild Island
Green slide on the left - great fun. Red & Blue on right - keep your ankles crossed.
 
Then we wandered over to the lazy river. Unfortunately there was a line waiting for tubes and it was, at that moment, filled with preteens drawing frequent whistles from the lifeguards for trying to dump each other off their tubes.

“How about the wave pool?” Hubs suggested.

“Ugh. It’s a cesspool of pee,” I cried.

“Nah,” he said with good humor, “the waves wash it all away.”

“Hmph. All the waves do is stir it all up again once it’s settled,” I snarked back.

We walked over to it just as the buzzer went off indicating the waves were starting. Hubs trudged out neck deep to “float” in the waves, while I stood knee deep letting them splash my legs. (It did feel good, but I wasn't admitting it.)

As I watched the overcrowded, packed cesspool, I decided everyone in the pool was 10. Because if they were younger than 10, they would surely drown as the 10 year olds flipped and flopped, in, over and under their oversized tubes, oblivious to anyone around them being smacked by said tubes. And if they were older than 10, they would surely be overcome with the desire to strangle the 10 year olds smacking them in the head by flipping and flopping in, over and under their oversized tubes, oblivious to anyone around them.

As the waves quieted down, I decided I should go reapply sunscreen.

After SIL met up with us, we did get into the lazy river and happily floated several circuits. They even had a bar in the middle. We resisted, but it wasn't easy.

And then there is the Toilet Bowl. Yeah, okay, they don't call it that. They call the Eye of the Dragon. Whatever, it's a toilet bowl. It is pure awesomesauce. I have experienced that ride before and I have to say there is nothing quite like it. You and an unwilling partner, sit in a double tube and fall down into a huge bowl, where you swirl around and around and around, getting closer to the black hole in the bottom, where you are eventually sucked down through a tube and shat out the other end. I kid you not. It’s totally awesome to be a human turd at a water park. I know I’m being incredibly snarky, but it REALLY is a blast!


A frozen banana dipped in chocolate and a nice little bit of a tan later, we went home with five bodies greasy with sunscreen, two tired boys, a heap of wet towels and a happy, contented contingent.

***Ally

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Snow.
At Crater Lake.
In August.


***Ally

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Bathroom Tours

I’ve seen many a nasty public bathroom in my time, and this last road trip didn’t let me down.

 google images

Our first stop, an hour and a half after leaving the house, was at a rest stop. Not my favorite, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

I patiently waited my turn, observing women wearing heels, dresses, pajamas, and one pair of genie pants. People wear weird stuff to travel. Once I made it through the door, I couldn’t help but notice the squares of toilet paper littering the floor. I mentally noted that somebody had made a real mess in there.

The very first stall opened up. I entered, noted there were no seat liners and grabbed for toilet paper to line the seat. (This wasn’t a hover trip, if you know what I mean.)  I grabbed. One square ripped off in my fingers. That stuff was as thin and see-through a bridal veil. I tried again. Another square. And again. One square and it tore. Finally I finger walked that roll of TP until I got enough off to create a hardly acceptable barrier between my skin and the seat.

As I turned to sit, someone activated the hand dryer, which happens to aim down at the floor. The air stream hit and created a wind tunnel across the floor, effectively coming under the stall wall and lifting that carefully placed toilet paper right off the seat and depositing it into the toilet. I swore under my breath or maybe out loud and re-created my physical barrier.

Once finally seated, I repeated my fight with the toilet paper roll to get enough to take care of business with.
 This has nothing to do with my story, but I thought it was funny. I digress.

Our next stop, at an outlet mall, included another stop in the restroom. This being the kind of public restroom I can actually stomach to use, if I don’t let myself think about all the people who have used it before me. Nicely tiled floors and walls, automatic soap, water and paper towels, and those louvered doors set five feet from the actual toilet bowl so you can fully turn around in the stall and not hit your knees when you sit. There was even a basket built into the tiled wall for purses and bags. And when I pulled lightly on that toilet paper roll? The thing spooled off enough paper to wipe an elephant’s butt.

It was still a public bathroom, but at least I didn’t feel the need to take a shower when I left.

Several casino bathroom pit-stops during our stay varied between smelling like a wet cigarette and the opulence that says, “We will do anything to keep you in the casino spending your hard earned money, including providing you with this amazing bathroom.” (We didn't spend much time IN the casinos except to use the bathrooms. The car shows Hubs and my dad were drooling over were outside in the parking lot.)

But the icing on the cake was the rest stop on the way home.

I entered the bathroom to find it, surprisingly... clean. It even smelled like fresh cleaner. Bonus: I was the only one there. I lined the seat in case of accidental contact and proceeded with my standard squat-hover-pee. And then I saw it. I’m sure it was a brown recluse, a black widow, or even a baby tarantula. Doesn’t matter, it had eight legs and a psychopathic mindset as it skittled that way, then skattled this way, all the while coming closer to breaching the invisible lines that outlined my stall. I couldn’t kick it or step on it, as I was in mid-squat and mid-pee. So I did the only thing possible. I swallowed my scream and carefully pulled off a few squares of tissue, wadded them into a ball and threw the ball at Mr. Eight Legs.

more google images

Pure brilliance, I tell you. He skedaddled the opposite direction. Of course, now he was out of sight, which almost freaked me out more. As I exited, I saw him crawling under the door of the next stall. I washed my hands, one eye peeled for his reappearance and flew out the door without even bothering to dry them. Then I crossed my legs made it home by not drinking any more fluids for the rest of the trip.

***Ally


Monday, August 22, 2011

10 Awesome, Amazing Things I Saw On Vacation


Link up with Stasha at The good life for Monday Listicles.

I'm off subject again, but just returned from vacation and had to share a few sights. 

Click for larger view


1. Mt. Shasta from the road
2. The Boy - Only he was looking much like The Man all grown up and working hard with his grandpa and his uncle
3. The Boy - Again, looking all grown up on the UNR football field - yes, we were doing a college tour
4. Well, duh. You have to have at least one great sunset picture when you go on vacation
5. Poor doggy - after one long, high altitude, hot hike, she plunged into the creek, soaking up it's glorious cold water
6. That is not a pink Christmas tree - it's a giant form of Petunias (at the Woodburn Outlet Mall in Oregon) - my petunias are a disgrace in comparison
7. Lake Tahoe from the Tahoe Rim Trail - A-Ma-Zing
8. Angora Lakes (near Tahoe)
9. Crater Lake - there are no words - the water color is unreal and hard to capture in a picture - so beautiful
10. Tahoe Meadows

***Ally

Friday, August 19, 2011

I Still Got It

I was driving my red Dodge Magnum downtown Huntington Beach with my crazy friend Amy, and we were stopped at Main Street and Pacific Coast Highway, waiting for pedestrians to cross.

A single man, not particularly handsome, but not ugly either, walked slowly across the cross walk, staring me down. 

"That's weird," I thought.  Did I have roadkill on my bumper?

He kept staring, turning his head to look at us until he reached the sidewalk.

"Girl, you look good in that car!" he said.

My girlfriend and I giggled.  "Thanks," I said.

He kept staring.

"Girl, you are rockin' that car!"

"Thank you."  Did I mention my car is 6 years old, dirty, scratched, and I had my hair in a greasy ponytail with no make up?

"Girl, you look good."

Here is where I should have revved my hemi engine.

Oh, well, this old lady was flattered.

-Lela

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sometimes Change Is A Good Thing

My dear friend and neighbor called me with a proposition.

"I know this is last- minute," she said, "But I was wondering if you and your husband would like to join us Saturday for a wine-tasting trip?"

Before she could give me the specifics, I said, "I'm in!"

"Well, there are 7 couples and we are getting picked up in a limo for the whole day.  It's about $90 per couple and we should be back around 5pm."

Okay, first of all, she had me at "wine-tasting".  Then, when she said "limo for the whole day" I didn't care about the cost.  My husband owed me!  I was so excited I almost peed my pants.  Then I remembered I had to ask my husband  in case he was scheduled to work or have surgery, the only two ways he was getting out of it.

He was scheduled to work an overtime shift Friday night.  "What time will you get home?" I asked him.  "The limo leaves at 9:30am Saturday morning."

"It is going to be an all-nighter.  I probably won't get home until 7am."

"Can't you get out of it?"  I knew he would ruin everything!

"No, but I will go.  And don't say I never do anything for you." 

I heard my husband's work truck roll in after 5am.   By the time he took a shower and got into bed, he totalled one hour of sleep.  But he was a trooper!

Before we even got started there was a change of plans.  Our original stretch limo had a broken air conditioner.  Since we were to travel from the beach to Temecula, California where the temperatures were in the 90's, that was a problem.  The company gave us a different upgraded vehicle free of charge, but it looked like a large passenger van that you would take to the airport. 

I wanted a limo.

Then, to my surprise, the doors opened to reveal . . .

A party BUS with a stripper pole!

-Lela 
P.S. My husband did lay down and take a nap in the back of the bus, but only when we reached the last winery. We were all too tipsy by that time to notice.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Teenagers . . . Ugh!

My son can count on me.

My greatest comeback to him is, "Have I EVER made you late or left you stranded?"  Now, his dad is another story, but we're not talking about him : )

Friday was one of my "crazy" days.  I dropped the child off early at the High School for cross country, where I said, "I will pick you up at 10:30.  Have fun."  I am pretty sure he grunted in agreement.

Anyway, I had ONE MILLION things to do, including cleaning the house and throwing a party that evening.  So, when I arrived at school at 10:30 I kept the motor running.  Then I turned it off and listened to the radio for 45 minutes waiting for him!  Of course that was the day he couldn't find his phone so my texts and calls were useless.  I called my husband.  No sign of the boy.  Since he hadn't called me (assuming he would borrow a friend's phone) I figured he was still somewhere on school grounds.

You are probably wondering why I just didn't go home.  It's one of those weird things like when you are in the slow line at the grocery store.  You stay there thinking that right when you leave, it will start moving.  I thought if I went home, he would call for a ride and I would have to turn around, wasting more of my valuable time.

After almost on hour (I know, what was I thinking?) I left.  Screw him.

Guess who greeted me at the front door when I drove up to my house?  My teenage son.  I won't replay the LOUD argument I had with him for the whole neighborhood to hear.  He walked home because he thought I wasn't picking him up.  I reminded him (loudly and with swear words) the last thing I had said to him as he got out of the car, "See you at 10:30." 

"Sorry," he said with slumped shoulders and blank stare.

"I consider this your fault because you lost your phone!" I screamed, crazy with frustration that only a parent of a teenager can know.

After I calmed down I knocked on my son's room, where he was wisely hiding.  I had taken away Xbox privileges so he probably had nothing to do but sleep until privileges were reinstated.

"I apologize for screaming and swearing at you," I said, then added, "Stupid teenager."

"You're welcome.  You created me."

I can't wait til school starts.

-Lela


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Summer Camp Memoirs

Did you ever go to summer camp? I did. A lot. I spent a lot of time at a summer horse camp.Year after year.

When I think of summer as a kid, I either think of the hours and hours we (usually with Lela) spent playing outside, or I think of summer camp.

I went as a “camper” three different times. Then I went as a “Wrangler” for three years, which was essentially a junior staff-in-training position. Basically, we did the shit grunt work and got rewarded by special activities that the campers didn't get. Then I went as a staff member. I was a counselor, a horsemanship instructor, and even a trail ride leader. I loved every second.

I was recently talking to my cousin, who went two years with me, and were laughing about the morning "routine" at camp.

At 6:45 am, a huge bell in the center of camp would ring several times, waking anyone within a 2 mile radius. We would wake in our sleeping bags, laying on our thin sorta foul mattresses, on top of our wooden bunks in our wooden cabins with windows (no glass) and a door (of wooden planks). As a camper, it was very exciting. As a Wrangler, it would illicit a groan, as a day of work was about to begin. As a counselor, who had undoubtedly been up too late at a staff meeting, it made you want to stab the bell ringer. As a pre-teen or teenage girl, it brought on a mad rush to the showers for primping. As a Smart Girl, you were already up with your personal alarm clock to get in the communal bathroom before everyone else. I can still smell that bathroom when I think about it. Eww.

At 7:00 am, the bell would ring again, signaling a 15 minute warning. Those that had gone back to sleep would then do the mad scramble to get up and dressed with bed head and unbrushed teeth. I may or may not have been one of those in my first years there. Before I became a Smart Girl.

At 7:15 am, the bell would ring again, demanding everyone to show up at the center courtyard around the flag pole for flag raising, and if the leaders were on the ball, really lame fun calisthenics like jumping jacks and other blood-pumping excitement. With any luck, the bras found at the top of the flag pole would not have come from our cabin.

Everyone would check the daily schedule, waiting for them to open the doors to the big lodge signaling that breakfast was ready, and then they would push and shove their way inside to claim tables. Because we were starving. Grace would have to be sung before anyone could eat: “Oh, the Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me, the things I need, the sun and the rain and the apple tree, the Lord is good to me.” Yeah, yeah, sing it three times a day for 9 summers and you, too, will remember it.

And it didn't matter what they were serving for food. When you are at camp, outside all day, you eat anything and everything that is served! Then it was a mad rush to get the cabins cleaned up before that damn bell started ringing again signaling we were supposed to be somewhere else.

There were special days, though. Those would be the days that someone had climbed up the night before and taped the dinger thingy in the bell to the side. And silence that thing into peaceful oblivion. At least until the bell ringer figured it out.

Ah, the good old days. So many camp tales. "One time at band camp..." haha (Please tell me you got that movie reference) Maybe I'll tell you about the horse skeleton we found (I have pictures!) or the time we dumped my cousin in the horse trough fully clothed. Good times.

***Ally


Monday, August 15, 2011

10 Things I Love. Today.


Link up with Stasha at The good life for Monday Listicles.

I did this post before I left for vacation, so it isn't the same subject she's posting about today, but it's still Monday Listicles!

10 things I love. At least today.

1) A vintage Fiestaware Pitcher that was part of my grandmother’s collection.


2) Hawaiiana - in small doses. But these dish towels rock. Four designs and I got them several years ago at my favorite store, Target. I thought ahead and bought two sets.

3) One of my son’s Ceramics Class projects. It’s a box, with a lid, and each side depicts something he loves. There’s the Foo Fighters Logo, a Cross, a baseball field (actually one on the side AND one on the top) and his school Logo and his baseball jersey number on one of the other sides. I love that kid.

4) Chocolate chips. What? I’m big enough to admit that my favorite chocolate is semi-sweet chocolate chips. You all can have your dark and your milk. I'll have the semi-sweet.

5) My dog soaking up every ray of sunshine she can. She goes window to window, following the sun through the day.

6) Dave Matthews Band. Okay, especially Dave Matthews. I can’t describe it. I know people either love him or don’t get him (Lela doesn’t get him), but I’m in the love category. Yes, this one requires extra pictures. I can't help it. The nerdy, goofy grin just feeds my obsession.



7) Art by an artist friend from Maui. We have five pieces of his work hanging in our house. I love every piece. (Sabado Studios if you are into art or Hawaii and want to see more.)

8) Fresh berries from the garden. Our garden. Mmmmmm.

9) My family. My son is the best around, even if he is a teenager. My husband just worked is BUTT off and did an 80 hour course, two 3-hour tests (which he PASSED), 10 market surveys, and 3 interviews - IN 10 DAYS!!! The world of unemployment may soon come to a close for us. He rocks.
And he deserves our...

10) Vacation. 'Nuff said.

***Ally


Friday, August 12, 2011

Bonfire Blessings

We had a family beach bonfire the other night.  Here's what it took to pull it off:

Check fridge to see if the packs of hot dogs were expired
Run to the store for fresh buns
Drive across town to Costco for bacon-wrapped hot dogs
Realize I need more buns
Forget marshmallows
Receive text from son that he needs a ride home from golf course
Panic that all the beach fire pits will be taken
Decide to drive down to beach and "save a spot"
Remember to buy a beach parking pass because ours is expired
Buy sand toys for baby niece so she has something to play with
Pack cooler
Pack towels, book, sunscreen
Pack half bottle of wine
Add two more bottles just in case
Plastic cups for the wine that is prohibited at the beach

I arrived at the beach with my husband, son, in-laws, and sister-in-law from out of town with her husband and baby.  The sun went down, the fire blazed, and I ate the fat-free Hebrew National hot dogs while everyone else enjoyed the bacon-wrapped.

Nearby, a large group of teenagers surrounded a fire pit and we could faintly hear them singing.  My family laughed and made "Kumbaya" jokes.  I secretly envied that group of kids.  I wished I had the kind of friends or family that could sit around a fire with a guitar, singing.

Then, my wish came true.  A teenager walked up to us and asked if we would like to "worship" with them.  I immediately stood up and said, "I would!"  I didn't even look at my family, who I knew would never be caught dead volunteering like I just had.  But here's the thing, I am a Christian and not embarrassed about it.  And here was my chance to sit around a campfire singing!

I am a terrible singer, but I sat my fat butt in that sand with that group of kids and sang my heart out to church songs!  After a while I told my new friend I had to get back to my family and he offered to pray for me.  I asked him to pray for my family and he did. Would I have done all that ten years ago?  No way!  That is for Jesus Freaks. 

I guess I am a Jesus Freak . . .who really loves her family (even though they sometimes drive me crazy), the Lord, and drinking wine from a plastic cup.

-Lela



Thursday, August 11, 2011

Conversations With A Teenager I Never Thought I Would Have

Conversation #1

Me:  Nick, did you know that high school kids are taking heroin now?
Teenage son:  Shooting-up or smoking it?
Me:  Neither.  Kids are taking it like pills that look like colorful gumballs!
Son:  Mom, I would never do drugs because you would catch me.
Me:  So you are saying that you would do drugs if you could get away with it?
Son (with a smirk):  I wouldn't mind trying some pot brownies.

Conversation #2

My son was listening to his music playlist on the computer when I walked in and heard Andy Sandberg (from Saturday Night Live) singing, "I want to put my penis inside of you".

Me:  Nick, this song is totally inappropriate.  Remove it from your playlist.
Son:  Mom, it's just Andy Sandberg.  He's hilarious.  I watched the "Dick In A Box" skit with you on Saturday Night Live.
Me:  I am okay with "Dick In A Box" but not okay with "I Want To Put My Penis In You".


Yes, I really did have those conversations with my son.  Believe me, my head was about to explode!  And I am embarrassed to say that "Dick In A Box" is pretty funny.  Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIDlqI7fB4Y

-Lela

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Blogging Inspiration

Here's a secret - sometimes I go to Twitter for blogging inspiration. I starting reading linked blogs, clicking around. You never know what you'll stumble on. I did that last night.

Let me just say, I don't usually follow celebrities. However, I do follow Alyssa Milano. This isn't someone I ever pay that much attention to as an actress - I mean, yes, I know who she is, watched Who's The Boss, know what Charmed was, but didn't watch it much, blah, blah, blah. Somehow though, I ended up reading her tweets because someone else was following, then I followed, and now I will go look specifically at what she's been tweeting. There's always a combination of interesting and entertaining links that she puts up, and she comes across very down to earth and real. Unlike some other celebs tweeting out there. #Winning

Stop. But why, you ask, is Alyssa Milano tweeting all this stuff? Well, I know she's pregnant out to here --------->| and from what it appears, she's hanging out and enjoying every second of that pregnancy. So I really don't know, maybe she just has the time on her hands right now.

ANYrambling, here's a few links to some good stuff courtesy of @Alyssa_Milano.

5 Things I Can't Believe Websites Are Still Doing If you can get past all the obnoxious ads around the article, it's spot on and ironically funny.

London riots: Social media mobilizes riot clean up A positive article amidst a constant stream of bad news coming out of England. With relatives there, we've been paying close attention. Absolutely awful, what's happening over there.

10 Simple Ways To Feel Good About Yourself Most people I know could use a dose of this now and again.

In case you were wondering if the water was safe to drink, try Big Spring, Texas To Recycle Urine In The Face Of Massive Drought. I'm all for saving the environment, and do more than my share, but, uh, no.

And some talking dogs that, while I laugh and think how cute they are, I would claw my ears out if I had to listen to that around my house on any kind of constant basis!



Enjoy! I'm off tomorrow on vacation. I have some posts preset, and Lela will be around, so keep coming by. I may even tease you with vacation photos from the road!

Where do you go for blogging inspiration when your brain just doesn't cooperate?

***Ally

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Drink of Choice

When I choose an alcoholic beverage, my go-to is red wine - Cab. I have a favorite that I like and it's decent priced. (Of course I'm willing to fancy that up if we got out somewhere - a margarita, or whatever)

EXCEPT when it gets hot outside. Because then I want something cold. And that red wine sitting on the counter was not cutting it.

The other day I wanted... something. And there was this open bottle of wine, with only a third gone. I just couldn't waste it, but I really wanted something cold.

My answer? Sangria. But hold on now, I wasn't going to make a big batch of Sangria and drink it all. I figured, surely I could throw a glass of something together.

I got online and looked at Sangria recipes. I wasn't putting fruit in a single glass - I know, I've ruined it already. And there were other ingredients I didn't have. But I pared down some basic recipes and came up with this:

~1 big round wine glass

~Add red wine

~Add lemon juice - whoops, I didn't have any - OH, but I had one of those little lemon shaped squeezie bottles - meh, that'll work - squeeze some of that in

~Add sugar - except I don't do cane sugar - I squeezed in a squirt of Agave nectar

~Juice - whoops again! no juice - but I did have some berry flavored iced tea! - in it goes

~Top it off with something sparkly - Pellegrino was all I had  - in it went

Go ahead and scoff. It was pretty tasty, if I do say so myself. And frankly with the iced tea and sparkling water, probably had less calories. Bonus!

So, no, I am not a desperate alcoholic. I am, however, quite resourceful!

I'm pretty sure that drink was an insult to the Sangria purists. Maybe my creation needs it's own name. Any suggestions?

***Ally

Monday, August 8, 2011

10 Predictions For Our Road Trip


Link up with Stasha at The good life for Monday Listicles.


We leave on our road trip this Thursday. I've done this before, so I think my prediction skills are pretty good. We'll see how I do.

1) We will aim to leave by 7:00am. We will actually leave at 8:15am.

2) The dog, who loves to go anywhere in the car, will go into hyper drive, bounding between the three of us uncontrollably as she tries to keep us all in her sights to make sure she doesn’t get left behind. She will be panting and drooling, underfoot, and an all around pain in the ass. I will curse her and wish we’d made plans to leave her behind. She will happily bound into the car the second a door has opened and plant herself firmly, letting us know she is, indeed, going with us.

3) Upon getting to the exit of the neighborhood, we will question whether a certain window or door was actually locked, and have to go back and check.

4) Upon getting to the exit the second time, Hubs will realize his sunglasses are in the other car. We will go back for those. We will finally hit the road.

5) The Boy will be immediately plugged into his iPod. The dog will crash next to him, having used up all her energy acting like an idiot.

6) Forty-five minutes down the road, I will have to pee for the first time having gulped my coffee down minutes before getting in the car. An hour later, I will ask to stop at Starbucks, a request that will be denied, as Hubs knows it will lead to at least two more potty breaks. I will sigh, and contentedly settle into my seat. We'll be on vacation!!!

7) We will arrive in Klamath Falls late in the day. (Our planned stop at Crater Lake may or may not actually happen as we realize we are sick of being in the car and simply want to get to the hotel, which is still a couple hours down the road.)

8) We will check into the hotel, a basic Shilo Inn (don’t judge - we have a dog and it’s Klamath Falls). I will scrutinize the room, a designated “pet room”, for signs of previous dogs. I will check the beds for hair and bed bugs and the floor for fleas. I will check the bathroom for cleanliness and wipe the remote controls and handles with disinfectant wipes. I will roll back the bedspreads and demand everyone wear shoes in the room.

9) We will want to go to the Brew Pub we have previously picked out for dinner. It will be too hot to leave the dog in the car. We’ll try to bribe The Boy to stay at the hotel with her while we go eat. We’ll promise to bring him something good to eat. He’ll agree, but I’ll feel guilty, so we’ll end up getting take out from somewhere and beer from the grocery store.

10) We’ll watch bad tv in the hotel. I will fall asleep contentedly. We’ll be on vacation!!!


***Ally

Friday, August 5, 2011

How To Identify PMS

There's a little twist to that title. The combination of entering that "peri-menopausal" stage and finding a supplement that helps IMMENSELY with my PMS symptoms , the worst symptoms I have are when I ovulate. Same symptoms, just a little earlier.

(The supplement is Vitex - Chasteberry Extract - I love it so much I would marry it if I didn't already have a husband)

The predominate symptom is what I call The Crazies. It's that 36 hour period where I pretty much want to rip the face off anyone who crosses me wrong. What? Does that sound too harsh? And here I was toning it down for you.

It really is an out of body experience, where my sane self watches my insane self think and act like a maniac. My sane self says, "Whoa, chill out, girl!" While my insane self says... well, I shouldn't actually say that out loud - or write it on a blog. You get the idea.

So here are the signs that I know ovulation is happening:

* Not one person I get behind on the freeway will go the speed limit. In fact, not on any road I travel on. No, they aren't speeding, they are all going UNDER the limit. Something I will never understand, even when I don't have The Crazies. I actually flashed a 5 - 0 at someone going 35 in a 50 with my hand. You know, five fingers, then a circle with my fingers. I was trying to tell her the speed limit was 50. I think she thought I was flashing her gang signs. At the stoplight she wouldn't pull up next to my car when I got in the lane beside her. I decided I should keep my hands down after that. 

* Semis on the freeway are traveling four abreast, while I have thoughts of shooting their tires out. And I don't even own a gun.

* People are standing three abreast in the aisles of the store. And I'm running errands and have three stores to go to. I think about taking a running start and mowing them down with my cart like bowling pins. Especially the dude who appears to be just 'supervising' his wife's product selections.

* Small children will be sitting on the bottom of shopping carts, using them as push toys and ramming into me, while the parents are obliviously perusing Red Box for the nightly movie. I will have thoughts of taking the kids for the ride of their lives on that cart to see if the parents notice.

* My grossest patient will be at his grossest self on THAT day. He will smell, be greasy, will have just smoked a cigarette, will have on filthy socks and will use our bathroom air freshener to spray his feet with, leaving me to not only want to disinfect my treatment room when he leaves, but I'll also want to take a disinfecting shower for myself. I will dream of asking him to leave and come back when he has showered. (He actually commented on how greasy he was - blamed it on eating oatmeal. WTH?) I couldn't possibly make this stuff up. This really happened.

* The one patient whose insurance actually pays my fees in full, will no-show me. Twice. In one week. I don't make money when a patient or client doesn't show. Why can't they see that?

* I will score workout pants, yoga shorts, and two cute tops at TJMaxx for a great price and still not feel better. Really? When retail therapy doesn't work, you KNOW there's an underlying cause.

* I will go home and have beer and chips at 3:30 in the afternoon. By myself. Don't judge.


 albequerquealthernativehealth.com

 mylot.com

 psychologytoday.com

 sweetexpressions.com

Thank goodness The Crazies is a very temporary state. Hubs realizes what is happening and is normally quite patient with me. We often laugh about it. After all, humor is the best medicine.

***Ally

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Art Of The Thank You Note

cutestwallpapers.blogspot.com


In our technology driven world, I know people have different opinions about this, but here’s why I think teaching kids to write hand-written ‘Thank You’ notes is still important:


Someone took the time to buy them a gift, or even just to send money. They took the time to think about it, and made the effort to do it. Making the effort to write out a thank you note in return, shows real appreciation. It says, “Your gift meant enough to me to take 3.5 minutes to write you to thank you.” Yes, a text would take 30 seconds, and an email would take 1.5 minutes, but a hand-written note says a whole lot more.


It teaches kids to be appreciative. They have to stop, for just those few minutes and process the thoughts in their head, and then put them on paper. They actually have to think about the fact that they are grateful for the gift or gesture. Really, think about it - this writing and brain processing is how learning takes place. Doing this repetitively over the years helps develop true appreciation. Or at least how to fake it well.


Obviously, it acknowledges receipt of a gift that has been shipped. Have you ever wondered whether someone got that gift or money you sent that you heard nothing about? Pure common courtesy.


It’s great practice for mastering the art of completing a task they don’t really want to do. Because we all have those, right? And I have yet to see a kid get really excited to sit down and write thank you notes. ...except last Christmas when my son and I were competing to see who got theirs done first - I won. Even I don't really like having to sit and write them, but I know how and can get it done and feel good about it.


Even in today’s technology world, nothing holds up to a hand written thank you note after an job interview. They’ll have learned to do it well if they’ve practiced as kids.


There’s absolutely nothing wrong with good manners!


Okay, I'm off my soap box.

***Ally

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Child Care Fail

As you know, I have a teenager. A 16 year old, driving, with a girlfriend, teenage son. It's been six years since he was 10.

Last Thursday and Friday he, meaning we, watched my cousin's 10 year old son for two days and one night. Six years is a lot of time to forget things that 10 year old boys do. And some of those things they do will put your competence at caring for a child that doesn't belong to you in question.


 After spending the night, having pancakes for breakfast, then getting ready to go to the park, I asked, "Do you need to brush your teeth?"
He responded, "No, my mom doesn't make me... *mumble, mumble*."

"What was that? Your mom doesn't make you brush your teeth more than once a day?" Believe me, I know this not to be true.

"Uh, no."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Um, pretty sure. I mean I think so."

*crickets*


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The Cartoon Network is one of the MOST annoying networks known to man. WHO are these cartoon characters? And did you know there is very little television truly appropriate for someone else's a 10 year old? 

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10 year olds do not hold still. Ever. 16 year olds have mastered the art of "chillin' ". They can veg for hours. 10 year olds? Not so much. He changed position 1,324 times during the movie Spy Kids. (A movie which is highly annoying in it's own right.)

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Someone else's 10 year old WILL hurt himself while under your care. Have band-aids, Neosporin and parent apologies ready. 

*****************

I was making breakfast, hadn't done a grocery store run in a few days, and trying to find something healthy to serve with the pancakes.

"Do you like orange juice?"

"Uh, no."

"Blueberries?"

"No!"

"Applesauce?"

"Uh, no."

"Bananas?"

"Nope." 

"Good grief. What kind of fruit DO you eat?"

"Grapes and apples. That's it."

Great. I had two nectarines, cantelope, blueberries, orange juice, an expired apple sauce, a mess of frozen fruit and one apple. I threw some protein powder in the pancake batter, cut up the loan apple and reminded myself he wouldn't die of malnutrition while under my care."


It was like a refresher course in younger children. Phew. Glad I don't have to take those courses very often!

***Ally

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The O.C. Fair, Unauthorized



I live in the "O.C."

A.k.a. Orange County, California.  Every summer there is this weird thing they have here called The O.C. Fair.  I call it weird because I am from Washington where they have real country fairs.  Here are some facts about the O.C. Fair:

1.  It opens at noon.
2.  The fairgrounds are approximately 25 yards away from a major freeway.

My girlfriends and I, sans Ally (insert frownie face), went to the fair to see a band called Journey Unauthorized.  We also went there to eat.  Our first stop was deep fried Kool-Aid.  Really, it was just deep fried dough doused with one hundred packets of cherry Kool-Aid.  We called them Kool-Aid Balls and dipped them in the extra "cherry dust" at the bottom of the plate. 

Deep Fried Kool-Aid "Balls"
That made us all really thirsty so we headed to the wine garden.  I bought a cheese platter that consisted of one tiny piece of brie and a few grapes for $7.95!  What a rip, but like my friend says, "When you enter the fairgrounds your money turns into Monopoly money."

When you are with a group of women, not everyone has the same interests.  We temporarily split up after a few too many wine tastings and I made a mad dash to see the quilts with a stop at the corn dog stand.
After viewing the quilts, table settings, and decorated cakes, I got a text from the rest of the girls.  They were in the Cantina eating tacos, chips, salsa, guacamole, and drinking strong margaritas.  We joined in.  Ole'!  That apparently was not enough food or salt so we decided we needed chicken, fries, and homemade potato chips.  Unfortunately, after eating a lot of salty food, you crave something sweet.  Good thing we were in the right place!  Funnel cake with the works and strawberry shortcake.  Ice cream with that?  Of course!

Disclaimer:  I didn't eat all that stuff by myself.  We shared it, but we still felt pretty gross afterwards.

To kill time before the concert we got fake tattoos and texted our two friends who still hadn't arrived. 

"Where r u guys?  We r waiting w open arms!"

"O Sherry forgot her ticket.  We r waiting in parking lot for husband to go home and get it.  Have to pee really bad."

"Hold on to that feeling."

Did you get the Journey song references?  Aren't we hilarious?   They were obviously a Journey tribute band, but pretty good.  My friends and I were fixated on the wigs and tight jeans.  Not ours, the bands'.


Lead singer "Perry Stevens"  get it?

We had so much fun!  At one point we rushed up to the stage and Perry Stevens touched my hand!  It kinda ruined the fantasy seeing him up close, but I'm gonna hold on to that feeling. 

Maybe next year Ally can come down and we'll go see Adam Ant at the O.C. Fair.

Don't stop believing.

-Lela