Asking The Right Question

Hubs and I often have this little passive-aggressive way of asking each other to do things.

"Are you going to pour me a glass of wine?"

"You sure are taking up a lot of room on the bathroom counter."

In a literal sense, question #1 has two possible answers: Yes, I'd love to pour you a glass of wine. Or no, I don't feel like pouring you a glass of wine right now. Of course, the second answer might find him sleeping with the dog.

Question #2 is not a question at all - in a literal sense. In fact, it is merely an observation that requires no action in response. But no action taken might result in a grumpy interaction if I don't confine my lotions and potions to just one half of the double sink vanity.

 We've been married a long time, and this is a little game we play. We know what we're asking and we are okay with it. In fact it usually leads to joking around about it with sarcastically funny answers or responses.

However, when you pull a question like that on a 17 year old boy with a girlfriend on his mind, you might find yourself hitting your head against a brick wall.

Case in point, when Hubs asked The Boy on Sunday, "Are you going to mow the lawn today?"

17 year old boy interpretation of that question: Oh, he's giving me a choice. Well, no I'm not, because I want to go hang out with The Girlfriend this afternoon.

You see, the way the question was asked, there were TWO possible answers. Yes or No. The Boy wanted to choose No.

As they both went off to brood ponder in silence, I approached them each individually with some mediation. To The Boy, I simply requested that he check with us on the weekends before making plans to see what extra chores might need to be done. To Hubs, I explained that when asking a question he needs to be very clear and direct in his request.

The Boy mowed the lawn. He did not complain out loud or throw a fit that we saw.

Hubs said to me, "I would like to think he knows me well enough by now to know there's only one answer to that question."

I replied, "He'll know you that well when he's 30. Right now he's 17. All he knows is the possible escape clause you left open in the question."

Sometimes I think I should get an hourly fee for interpreting. It's like there's a second language being spoken in this house, except I'm the only one that's bilingual!

***Ally
Tweet